In Germany they will kick your ass for very few Euros. Instead you can write a letter to the editor for a very aristocratic arse smelling magazine like Town and Country:Dear Petulant Ass Eating Editors of Town & Country,


I really do believe that the rich, famous, and fashion gurus of our time have opinions that are so rarely expressed in the popular media. I'm quite sure that we really need their guidance and espoused wisdom at "times like this" (after September 11, 2001). However, I find it curious to note that whenever the icons of our financial world are threatened or destroyed, our privileged spokespeople, who feel that they speak for all the disenfranchised peoples of the Western world, announce that the "greatest tragedy" has occurred.

First off thank you for your failed attempt at trying to qualify what a "horrific" event is. I will tell you what "real" horror is: Watching your cat drag it's smelly little bottom on your carpet after having a unfinished "litter adventure", finding out you have no beer December 31 at 5pm and having to slash your way to the liquor store, which has a queue longer and more selective than that of Studio 54 on a Friday night, and don't get me started on the insipid fear of being caught with one's finger inserted past the first knuckle in one's nose by a work mate or significant other. Horror really has no bounds, or taste, for those who have to work to feed their nasty habits, do not come from any kind of family that will nurture or at least pass on a pedigree that will get you free drinks at a bar, and who can't get rid of that previous tenant smell that permeates the way that R2D2 is always around C3P0 (except when attacking a death star).

So to your gentle yuppie readers and your famed rich, and famous contributors to the "how to get on with your life after September 11, 2001" I quote Karl Marx: "Eat My Crapsky And Diesky".

Thank you in advance for your elitist editorial Machiavellianism, as I know you will change my letter to read as: "That article was moving. Keep up the good work. Name Withheld"