Neu Yeer, Boo Beer!

Since this is my first post in almost 3/4 of a year, I think it is fair to post that livin' from day to day, with the pimps and gangstas tryin' to stab you in the eye, sucks. I have less time to play video games or search for porn, and my work buds have all taken off and left me in the multitude of humid swampy crotches that is this place. Thanks guys.

Drinkin Lando Bingo

To you, to whom this T-Shirt is dedicated, I encourage you to write your sexually ambiguous Cabaret fan fiction porn. I hope that grown men in Japan will be able to debate your writings in their Forum Bars, along with the "who makes the best noodle" controversy. For those who are about to rock; I salute you. It is time to crank this mo-fo'in blog up again, much to the excitement of all the spambots, and much to the chargrin of the 2 or 3 friends who I make read this - because it's usually about them! HA HA HA it is to laugh!

Mother Fucking Manatees Near a Dock!!!

Mother Fucking Snakes on Another Plane – by Dingus Amongus

How many days does it take to fly to Asia? I can see the graphic plane moving across the map, our plane’s exhaust is red dashes
I need some video game distraction
Strictly airplane Vegetarian
Airgetarian?
Looking back at the title reminds me of MOTHER FUCKING SNAKES
The x-ray machine saw through into a dead and impotent moment
St. Patrick knew that snakes were not impotent, just not great Catholics – be gone!
Bad coffee just got worse
Hall & Oates



SNAKES?!


Mini bar bottle tops break off effortlessly in your teeth when the screwcaps are stuck with sugary glue

Strain the schnapps through your teeth c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y


When I look out the window at 10,000 ft I think we might be upside down and below the clouds
I see dragons flying through the cumulous fists and sunset coloured cotton candy spires
Can I claim the snakes in my luggage? They are not duty free – either is the schnapps in my belly, until sweet inebriation
If I can divert the snakes out of the plane, they can live in the clouds

St. Christopher, St. Patrick, St. Nicholas!

Danger paid steward/ess in full!
I’m collecting airplane pillows to make a point about how something can exist but not really be there
I’m sure the snakes will ignore me and go straight for the pets in the lower baggage area – wiener dog is the new chicken
I need Discovery channel – Snake Week
Hall & Oates were pretty good for awhile, but after 6 rounds of “Private Eyes” I need a snake belt or tie
Does Sasquatch actually exist? It would be good to know this. I’m scared of that grainy film from the 70s
“Landing” in the ocean is not a good landing, by geographical definition
I have no faith in the credits saving me
Hall & Oates should not be a credit song
The lack of second rate star guest appearances concerns me -
This was a shark jump from the start
Start drinking
Stop drinking
Roll credits
Fin
.

I was told I had no Penis and for that I give you COMIC!

I wrote this after the very defining member of my sex (lolerz) was insulted by a claim of its non-existence. I do believe that arguments made on this level are sad and indicative of a malignant evil cancer in the moral fiber of the people who level such claims. Therefore, I have replied with a cartoon, the civilized and moral highroad icon of all true Gentlemen. I give you the “FAC YOU Chewbarron and Lando” cartoon, and without the context of the offending Dfilm, I’m sure you will still understand the hackneyed and (truly) limp creation by Chewbarron was predestined to be unavoidably terrible and intellectually insulting to even the mentally devoid.

Cheers,

Ding

Another by me, Spellazi! Prego.

Sir, I detest these comics and all they stand for, but I will defend my right to offend everyone with their sheer indecency to the death of that guy over there. I think I've got another one to make, hold on. Ding/Spellazi

I've been busy.....

Bust a Crap in Santa's Ass!!! BOOOi!

Santana is a wonderful man and all his guitar playing brings joy to boys and girls around the world, but mostly just to drunken cougars who use Santana as an excuse to dirty dance and try and pick up young virgin men. God bless them all.

The internet now provides so many ways to communicate your love to your fellow brothers, sisters and Santa. Through the power of electricity I have sent emails to Santa on behalf of my friends, so that they can be guaranteed to have their Christmas wishes come true.

Letters to Santa via MSN website:

Dear Satan,

I would love to have lots of bitches just like 50 Cents. I don't want to get shot though.

Thanks, Dingus
----------------------------

Dearest Stan,
I enjoy Harry Potter so much that I wish that for Christmas you would kill all of my annoying enemies. The End.

P.S. I would like you to make my cats talk so they can just tell Mommy how much they love her little nose kisses. Oh and please give the kitties adamantium claws so I can send them out to destroy annoying neighbourhood pets that crap on our lawn.

Love you,
Hilby

----------------------------

Dear Sanity,
Why have you left me?

Secondly, please make my homeland a safe place for all minorities, except for the white Yabbos who started ruining the country as soon as they had their dirty white asses thrown on our beaches. I suppose this makes me racist of my own race, but that is ok because I live in another country and I am not afraid to cowardly condemn my people and government from halfway around the world.

Thirdly, can you please make sure that a straight man comes within 1 kilometer of my new home. I'm sure that I could smell him if such a beast existed.

Thank you, and if i do not get what I want this Christmas I will hold my friends hostage with yet another boring and pointless story of how I drank myself into oblivion thanks to my little buddy - Fosters.

Yours,
Lando

Stop "Humping The Shrimp"

This week’s entry consists of the recollection of another dream, which I think was even funnier than the other dream in which I dreamt the "world’s funniest joke". This dream finds me, the protagonist, confronted by 4 “friends” who take a “vote” on whether I can use “quotes” anymore when I speak, signified by my fingers in crouched victory pose around my very intangible, but crushing speech. The “vote” was apparently “unanimous” and it was noted that the reason they “voted” against me was because they felt I was “humping the shrimp”! Well, I never!

To those “friends” who will remain nameless, I don’t think I could “see” them in my dream anyways, but their whiney bitching echoed resoundingly, I say: “fuck”. Every time you guys give me a hard time, I will accuse YOU of “humping the shrimp” – so there!